A week ago I posted a very flippant comment on Twitter to this effect: “Have developed a bit of a ‘thing’ about brightly coloured clothes since becoming a mum. I’m terrified I’ll disappear completely otherwise…” At the time I thought it was quite amusing but the more I thought about it, I felt like I had scratched the surface of something much deeper, to do with my own identity and how that has changed since I’ve had children.
Before I had children I was just me – Sam. Yes, I was a daughter, a sister and a fiancee too, but essentially I was the centre of my own little world. All that changed when Baby No1 came along, although I managed to cling to a little bit of my identity until Baby No 2 came along 19 months later. Then whatever Sam had been got buried under the nappies, wet wipes and breast pads that defined my new world.
In many ways having children has brought me out of myself. I used to be quite introverted and self conscious – but it’s not just about ME anymore, and that has been quite a welcome release. And on a good day I feel as though as I have become a member of the biggest and best club in the world. But at other times I feel lumped together with every other mum in the world, like we are all just one big maternal blob.
One of the times I started to feel this most was on the school run, particularly on grey, rainy days. Then all the mums seemed to morph into a sea of black, grey or navy coats and umbrellas. So to counter this, last year I bought myself the brightest pink raincoat I could find, with clashing green lining. Normally I wouldn’t dream of buying a coat that colour – coats should be practical and neutral so they go with anything. But it was suddenly really important to me to stand out from that crowd. This year I have bought another winter coat which is brightest turquoise I could find. And as a finishing touch, I have bought a stripy scarf and glove set, made up of every colour of the rainbow, so they will go with whichever of the loud and garish coats I am wearing!
I just don’t know what’s come over me. I’ve never been attention seeking before in my life. But now if I see an item of clothing that is colourful, preferably with colours that clash, I’m drawn to it like a moth to a flame. For the first time in my life I have coloured shoes, rather than just brown or black, an array of coloured handbags, multicoloured beads and more shocking pink in my wardrobe than Barbara Cartland!
And do all these colours help to stop me from disappearing completely? Some days I really think they do………
Colours are good. Before I became a mum I wore black most of the time, but now my daughter won’t allow it. She loves colours so I have to wear them now, and you know? They cheer me up!
This is spooky in how much it rings true. Like you, I always seem to have always belonged to someone else, someone’s sister, daughter or wife. Then I had my daughter and became someone’s Mum as well.
I think it is much harder for Mum’s (don’t shout at me Dad’s but this is true in my circle) to get much time for “Me”, especially working Mum’s.
Between work wardrobe and home wardrobe I seem to have acquired rather a lot of black.
The other month I walked into a store and saw a vivid pink mac. I loved it immediately and despite not really needing another coat I treated myself.
It’s not a “look at me here I am” coat for me, but it gives me confidence and makes me feel good the same way my high heels do. When I wear it I feel good. Mind you, it has done nothing to make me look thinner and a recent photo has rather taken the shine off it! But still, when I go into that grey drab school playground in my lovely pink coat it puts me in a great mood for the day.
I used to wear black with everything! Even though I still like to stay in my comfort zone and wear a bit of black, I do try and add a bit of colour.
I’m really loving that coat…might need to invest in one!
And it stops me walking out of the house wearing her coat!