I was thinking recently about Friday nights, and realised that how I used to spend them compared to how I spend them now, is a pretty good indication of how my life has changed over the last 18 years.

Before I had my children my Friday feeling was always very positive. There was something thrilling about the end of the working week, and the anticipation of knowing you could have a lie in, then spend the next two days doing fun and interesting things. Friday nights held a wide range of possibilities - a casual night down the pub with friends; full hair & make up and a big night in town; working behind the bar myself; or if I was really tired (and/or skint) a purposefully chosen quiet night in.

Once I had my children though Friday nights just merged into the rest of the week and weren’t really any different to any other night. Staying at home meant that the ‘weekend’ had been lost to me and was no longer special.  Yes, my husband was home so I wasn’t on my own, but we were still home based and with the children. And added to this, we were usually too tired and too poor to go out.

So what does Friday night mean now? As the children have reached pre-school and school age, and I now go out to work (opposed to working at home) on a Friday, I have noticed a few subtle changes. Having been out of the house all day it is nice to come home and do the tea, telly, bath & bedtime routine before I collapse on sofa at 7.30pm, trying desperately to stay awake until the news at 10!

I congratulate myself on the fact we have managed to get through another impossibly hectic week in one piece, having (if I’m lucky) achieved around half the things on my to-do list!

And despite it not being my turn for a lie-in the next morning, and the possibility that I may have to get up at silly o’clock with the boys, I am just grateful that I don’t have to do the breakfast/reading book/ packed lunch/teeth brushed/getting dressed/finding a parking space and delivering 2 children to 2 different locations before 9.15am ‘time challenge’ which shapes my weekday mornings!  

And of course another major highlight is that wine o’clock normally starts that little bit earlier on Fridays!!!!

Still get a Friday feeling? What does you Friday night feel like for you and how does it differ to your ‘pre-mummy’ Fridays – do share!

Popularity: 1% [?]

As we come towards the end of the holiday a small shadow is encroaching on my holiday bliss; my youngest son, my baby, is starting school. A year ago I went through the emotional roller coaster of my eldest son starting school. Just as I had been warned since the day he was born – the time had just flown. Now I have to face it all over again, but somehow this time seems more of a milestone – because once my baby is at school, what do I do?

When I went on maternity leave I knew I wasn’t going back, for me it just wasn’t ever in question, and luckily I had a really supportive family to make this easier.  The past few years of being full-time mummy have been hard, but also very rewarding and I wouldn’t have swapped it for anything. Now, as my youngest pulls on his uniform, I feel that it really is the end of that chapter. Although I have worked part-time and been involved in numerous things, I was predominantly a mummy. Now, with both children at school, my daily purpose and routine will be left gapingly empty, and I feel I can no longer call myself a stay-at-home-mummy.

Between the hours of 9 and 3.30 I will have no responsibility for my children; their care, their happiness and learning all lie with somebody else, and being very honest I feel like I am’ losing’ a part of them.  For me this is the start of their real development as individuals and the gradual influence of others as I am slowly being replaced in certain elements of their life. Their teacher will be raised up on a pedestal, and I will be reminded by them how important she is.

However, all this is good, natural and exciting. As with all endings, they signal new beginnings, and for me it is time for me to shift the focus back to myself and where I go from here, and what I do to fill those ‘school hours’.  Because I have now lost those daytime hours it makes me even more determined to be around for the remaining hours before and after school each day.

Once I have emerged from behind my dark glasses and box of tissues on the first few days of term I am sure I will quickly learn to adapt and enjoy the peace and quiet and freedom that working within school hours will bring, and maybe the gap left by my real babies will be replaced by my ‘3^rd baby’ – Mum’s The Boss.

Anyone else about to wave a small person off to school for the first time this term? What are your plans and how will you be spening those hours between 9.00 and 3.00?

Popularity: 2% [?]

We recently posted a blog post, “From Mummy to Yummy in half the time!”, in which Tanith Carey, the author of “How to be an Amazing Mum…” shared some quick tips on how to look your best when the clock is ticking.  Having read the whole of Tanith’s fabulous book of time-saving tips from cover to cover, we can now give you a few more reasons why this book may be just what you have been searching for to help you find a few more hours in each day! 

Tanith’s book deals with the most common cry from mothers everywhere of ‘I just haven’t got time…….’ and focuses on 10 of the most common time hungry tasks we have to juggle as working mums. The book is written in a very friendly and straight forward manner, but also manages to remain light hearted and humorous. There is a distinct feel that all the suggestions have been implemented personally by the author, and with success! However there is not a one size fits all attitude as Tanith explains in her introduction, ‘Some ideas will apply to your life and other won’t. Dip in and out and try a few at a time. ‘

Part 1 looks at how to keep your home & children under control. Like many great books there is nothing radical and nothing complicated – just lots of practical and straightforward ideas. I like the style of this book because it is similar to talking to my friends; it is like hearing how other people manage things, and being given ‘permission’ almost to cut corners, make things simple and just to focus on the important things. There is a good mixture of advice – some is simple and straight forward and will have instant results, while other ideas are about changing your perspective on ‘the bigger picture’, and implementing ‘systems’ that in the long run will pay dividends.

In the chapters dealing with ‘child management’ there is a lovely balance of sound parenting advice, discipline and also knowing when to relax a little, for the sake of your children and your sanity! It recognises how tough consistent parenting can be, and ‘The Seven Most Likely Sins of Harassed Parents’ is very accurate. It talks about some of the most common adult reactions to children’s behaviour but then explains why that isn’t the best approach and offers a Time saving solution

I love the fact that part 2 is devoted to you – the mummy. Often the last on our own to-do lists we tend to always be the last to eat, get dressed, sleep, relax, go out ….and so the list goes on!  This section of the book looks at 4 of the most common areas we neglect – beauty, clothes, body image and time for you and your partner. In the clothes section there are no niceties about ‘jelly belly’ just ways to deal with & disguise it!

More than anything else, when life is sweeping you off your feet, your to-do list is getting longer and you can’t see up from down I think it is really worth reminding yourself what is important: your children. ‘There is no perfectly prepared meal, no freshly ironed outfit or spotless kitchen floor that can replace the hours and minutes you spend with them.’  

I have a feeling this may be a very popular addition to our Business Book Library!

Popularity: 5% [?]

When the weather is good, getting out in the garden is one of summers pleasures. I am sure that most of you, like me, have a garden littered with an array of brightly coloured plastic toys, balls, bats, bikes, scooters, slides etc. However children often tire of their toys and are quick to announce “I’m bored……..”.  So to make the most of the good days we have in the garden here are some other ideas to amuse those bored with their toys!

1.  Water painting – an absolute favourite as it’s cheap and quick to get ready and has no lasting effects! Simply get an empty container of water and an old paint brush and set them off painting patterns, writing names or even a whole picture.

2.  Open Air Art gallery – works in a very similar way but using chalks. Allocate the children some paving slabs each do draw their works of art on then they can give you a guided tour. Washes away easily with water or the next rainy day.

3.  Be pirates – hide ‘treasure’ in a sand pit or patch of soil that is free for digging. The treasure can be anything from pegs to silver foil or sweets to real 1p coins. Award prizes for the pirate with most treasure.

4.  Go on a bug hunt – this activity is great for walking slowly and quietly round the garden. See how many creepy crawlies you can find hiding under leaves and stones. A variation on this is to go into the garden straight after some rain and see how many worms you can find!

5.  Fill it up – this is a game I remember playing at Brownies many years ago! Give each child a small container (a washed out yoghurt pot or similar) and see who can collect the most different things that fit in it within 5/10/20 minutes. A good game for older children to play in teams with younger children.

6.  Play camping – set up a ‘tent’ using an old blanket or sheet draped over a clothes airier, chairs or some canes.  A great place to have a picnic as well. Collect sticks for a pretend campfire.

7.  A big box – most children have fantastic imaginations and just need some help to get it started. Have a look in the garage or loft to see if you have a spare box, otherwise you may manage to find one at your local shop (supermarkets tend to flatten everything these days), and the bigger the better. It can become anything – a boat, a car, a space rocket, a shop, a castle – the variations are endless!

8.  Sports day – this can be as simple or as complicated as you want. Start with some simple running races, and then you can try a sack race (a decent bin bag will suffice), an obstacle course, skipping or even an egg (hard boiled) and spoon race.

9.  Target – again a nice simple one. Simply draw a series of targets or shapes on a wall away from windows and get children to aim at them with a ball. If you are feeling adventurous you could let them use a wet sponge or water balloon.

10.  Natural art – allow the children to collect leaves, grass, twigs, pebbles, feathers  and anything else they can find and then use to create a collage picture, pattern or sculpture – can be done individually or all together. Take a photo as a reminder of their hard work.

Once they have been introduced to something, children will often play it over and over again, so these ideas should ensure a busy and happy summer in the garden! And if you have ideas of your own please leave a comment and share the fun!

Popularity: 10% [?]

In days gone by, as soon as you had kids, you could stop bothering about the way you looked. By the time you were thirty-five, it was fine to look middle-aged, let the weight pile on and get a Mrs Merton perm. These days, however, we mums are expected be every bit as glamorous as we were before we had the kids – but without the luxury of hours in the day to do it. Not surprisingly, in a recent survey of mums, more than 70% said they felt their appearance had suffered as a result of having children. But making yourself feel good can also make you a happier, better mother. So here are author Tanith Carey’s rules to looking just as good as you did before kids came along – but in half the time!

The Fast Mum’s Face:  The Rules

Go for shades as close as possible to your natural colours: When you are trying to look good in the minimum time, don’t experiment. Bright tones will only underline the fact that you could do with some more sleep or a facial. Applying a statement shade of deep scarlet lipstick is going to take an awful lot more time and concentration than a subtle lip gloss close to your own lip colour. Steer clear of orange or toffee- coloured lipsticks too, which can be ageing.

Buy make-up that does more than one job: Look for products that do two, or even three, things at the same time. For example, buy mascara that both curls and lengthens to avoid having to fiddle around with an eyelash curler. Or try gels that double as lip glosses, and combined foundation and powder compacts.

Cut out the middleman: Once upon a time, you probably had a vast array of make-up brushes for 136 every conceivable job. Now you don’t have the time to find them, let alone wash them. So choose make-up with built-in applicators like lip gloss and concealer pens. Or easier still, plump for make-up you can put on with your fingers, like tinted moisturizers and gel blushes, which are more natural looking anyway.

Use a make-up primer: It may sound strange to add one extra step before you’ve even started, but use a primer. It’s quick, fills in surface imperfections like large pores and lines, and you can apply it without looking in the mirror (always a good test of a mummy-friendly make-up technique). Primers also help make-up to last longer – so you will have fewer of those depressing ‘God, I look a state, don’t I?’ moments later in the day.

If in doubt, chuck it out: Life is so much simpler when you edit out the stuff you don’t need. It doesn’t matter what make it is, having make-up you don’t use hanging around is a waste of space. Apply the wardrobe rule: if you haven’t worn it for a year, bin it.

Keep two sets of make-up – and never, ever mix them up: Put one set in your handbag in a clear bag so you can see what’s in there and get to it fast. Then leave it there – never to be removed. At the very least, make sure you keep a combination rouge/lip gloss in your wallet to revive you in times of need.

Do your make-up on the move: Get a professional make-up artist’s make-up box to help keep it all beautifully organized. Take it wherever your kids are. If they are happy playing with blocks in the playroom, take your kit there too – and you may get to mascara a few extra lashes.

Save the bigger grooming jobs for night time: The mornings are hectic enough, so just use them for putting on make-up. When the kids have gone to bed, take time to bleach your moustache, paint your nails or pluck your eyebrows. Or take advantage of bath time with the kids and put on a mud mask for a Shrek impersonation.

Buy make-up that looks after itself: Wind-up pencil applicators aren’t great value for money, because there’s not much product in there. But there is nothing more irritating than not being able to find a liner with a sharp tip at the bottom of your make-up bag. So on this occasion, take convenience over price!

Think about packaging: When you are looking for moisturizers and foundations, search out products that are easily dispensable, either by pumps or aerosols rather than jars or tubes. That way, it won’t be quite such a disaster if you can’t find the top, and they are less likely to dry up or spill.

Choose a tinted moisturizer over foundation: Tinted moisturizer is another of those beauty aids that passes the big test of mummy-friendly make-up. It does three things at once: gives coverage, moisturizes and offers sun protection. Look for a product with light-defusing particles to brighten up your skin.

Keep it tidy: To keep your dressing table functioning as efficiently as possible, stick a large magnet on the wall to hold must-haves like tweezers, nail scissors and safety pins, plus a needle and thread for emergency clothes repairs. Keep a bin close too for old Q-tips, packaging and make-up wipes.

Get some eye-whitener/red-eye drops: Trust me – after working late or a sleepless night, this is the ultimate beauty secret for the hassled mum. You will look fresh as a daisy – even before you’ve applied a scrap of make-up.

 Nail short cuts: For many manic mums, manicured and long polished nails are a distant memory. Still, if you want polished nails for a special occasion, try the new nail pens in a neutral colour. They should dry in seconds. But as with make-up, try to stick to a colour close to your natural shade, so your nails don’t look so bad when they get chipped.

Taken from “How to be An Amazing Mum – When You Just Don’t Have the Time – the Ultimate Handbook for Hassled Mother, “  by Tanith Carey, price 7.99 (5.99 on Amazon)

Popularity: 3% [?]

Don’t tell the ‘parent police’ but I let my son have chocolate buttons on toast for breakfast on his birthday. I joked with a friend that I had been a ‘bad mummy’, but actually when I thought a little more about it I decided I had probably been the opposite: a good mummy.

As parents we spend hours racked with guilt and analysing if our children are eating properly, have they had their five a day, are they learning appropriate social skills, is their educational development on track, are they being active enough, have they brushed their teeth properly, are they having enough creative opportunities, should they be learning a musical instrument or a second language…..and so the list goes on.

This is only heightened by the constant barrage of pressure and calls to action from the media, the government, relatives and worst of all other parents. I am not suggesting that as a parent we do not take our responsibilities seriously, but that we also allow for fun and treats. These special treats and occasions are ones which both you and your child remember, and build strong bonds within a family.  Children learn from their parents, and I want mine to learn that although I wear the ‘responsible hat’ I can also ignore the ‘rules’ and throw some caution to the wind occasionally.

Other recent ‘good mummy’ moments in our house have included me staying in bed till 10am (I was actually working on my laptop) whilst children were watching TV downstairs, and allowing my youngest son to dig a hole, make a mud pit and sit in it for an hour like a hippo!

Have you got a ‘good mummy’ story to share?  Please do – I need some more ideas for the next time I decide to be an irresponsible parent but a good mummy!

Popularity: 6% [?]

So, it’s School Holiday time again which means a change of routine, less hours available in the day to work and energetic children to entertain. This is no mean feat for any work at home mum and a situation made all the more tricky when the weather is bad. Living in Britain we should have got used to the fact by now that it wouldn’t really be summer without some rain! However when faced with a wet day and bored children,  it is very easy for tensions to rise. But wet days don’t have to mean boring days…..try some of our ideas for inside fun.

1.  Turn a job into a fun and have a bedroom tidying competition. The winner could choose a DVD  to watch in the afternoon, or have an extra story at bedtime.

2.  Cooking is always a favourite with children.  Pizzas are simple to make and tasty for lunch. For younger children just decorating a cake or biscuit is messy and fun. 

3.  Try a treasure hunt. This can be a simple list of items to collect or a full trail from clue to clue with some ‘treasure’ waiting at the end.  With young children who can’t read use pictures of familiar objects to direct them. With older children you can make the clues more cryptic. When we play at home I always ensure there is lots of running between upstairs and downstairs!

4.  Puppet shows are great way to pass some indoor fun and develop the imagination. Making puppets is simple and can be done in so many ways.  Draw, cut and fold paper plates,  add buttons or stickers to socks or simply print out  some pictures from the web and attach to straws. Set up behind the sofa or cut out a hole in a large box and you are guaranteed lots of laughter!

5.  Picnics are not just for outdoors, so have an indoor picnic. You are going to having lunch anyway so get the kids to make sandwiches, pack up a bag with all the food, lay down a rug, and pretend you are in a park or a sunny beach!

Mums are very resourceful, so if you have a good idea for a rainy day – let us know – and you could help save someone else from the rainy day blues!

Popularity: 5% [?]

Most of the time I feel like I’m operating on a completely different time zone to my children. They never want to eat when I want them to, or get dressed, or have a bath, or – God forbid – go to bed!

Similarly I find that I am rarely ready to wake up in the morning when they want me to. Nor do I find I want to be used as a trampoline when they think it’s a good idea. And, of course, as soon as I want to work, that is when they want me to play!

And on those occasions when I am running late or in a hurry I find those are the precise times when they decide to be as awkward, obstinate and downright difficult – isn’t that strange! When I want them to walk they run. When I WANT them to run, they dawdle. Why IS it that our timings never seem to match?

I am sure, in years to come the problems will be different but still as frustrating. Then they won’t want to get up in the morning or come home at night when by the time I set as curfew. I can only hope that at SOME point in our lives we find ourselves operating in a similar time zone and enjoy doing the same things at the same times!

Popularity: 1% [?]

This week Mum’s The Boss is attending a local business event – not as visitors as you might think, but rather as invited guests where we will on hand to talk to visitors who are thinking of starting their own business.

This marks a massive turning point for us. In less than a year we have gone from the people seeking advice to those giving it! It is also an enormous compliment that outside agencies rate what we do enough to include us in their event and a fantastic way for us to raise our profile amongst local businesses.

When we started out less than a year ago we contacted lots of local organisations asking for help and sponsorship and in all but a few cases never received any replies to our requests. We quickly got the feeling that people viewed us as ‘just a group of mums’ and not really worth taking seriously. It made me smile then last week when 2 of these organisations contacted us out of the blue with offers of assistance and support – obviously word has got out that this ‘group of mums’ is going from strength to strength!

We are just one tiny example of what mums can achieve when they put their minds to it. All over the country mums are making a difference to their schools, families and local communities as well as in business.  Look around you – Mum Power is happening everywhere!

In business mums inherently possess a number of skills which can make them great entrepreneurs. Bringing up a family makes you skilled in the art of multi-tasking, prioritising, negotiating and dealing with finances. As women we are good at thinking creatively, being supportive and generous with our time and often adopt a more more holistic approach to business. And working around a demanding family we can be incredibly productive given limited amounts of time!

Mums know how to get the best from social networking  by doing what they do best – making connections and chatting! Women concentrate on building relationships first and doing business second. Work at home mums with online businesses can generate healthy sales by promoting themselves in a friendly and generous way. How much cheaper is that than paying for expensive advertising that people may never read?

Sally Walker of Squash Box Media has written a brilliant article on The Power of the Social Media Mum. “If you want a piece of news to spread quick, you don’t need to publish it in the daily newspaper or hire a TV crew to come round and interview you on the news. Just find a Mum who has a computer and let her do it for you…..What better way to promote something than by getting millions of Mum’s worldwide to chat about it online.”

Plus a new genre of Mummy Bloggers has emerged, who are generating an enormous amount of attention from their online thoughts and recommendations. Some are even being approached by large companies asking them to review their products, such is the sway their opinion holds. Mum’s like to turn to other mums for advice, hence the growth of online communities and forums such as Netmums, Mumsnet and Gurgle. Individually mums have a powerful voice – but en masse they can be formidable! 

So whatever it is you do, or want to achieve, never underestimate yourself or your ability to make things happen. A mum who feels passionate about something is a force to be reckoned with. Never think ‘but I’m ONLY a mum’ – YOU are a superhero!

Popularity: 3% [?]

We all know how our children benefit from an after lunch nap, and as busy mums we are probably all guilty of using that precious time to crack on with work or housework.

But research shows that a 20-30 minute power nap after lunch can reduce stress, improve memory & patience, increase learning & efficiency and generally make for a more productive afternoon all round.

It may seem like a criminal waste of time to sleep when you feel you could be getting lots done but if you are lucky enough to have children who still nap, or who are at school, then maybe it is worth trying it for yourself to see if you can feel the benefits.  

Experts advise to keep the nap between 15 and 30 minutes, as sleeping longer gets you into deeper stages of sleep, from which it’s more difficult to awaken. Also, longer naps can make it more difficult to fall asleep at night.

So why not take the plunge and become a Lady Who Naps! Simply follow these 10 steps to the perfect nap – and feel the benefits!

1.  The best time to nap is between 2.00 pm and 4.00 pm, just after lunch.

2.  Try to avoid large amounts of coffee or caffeine before your nap as this will make it difficult to sleep and to wake up.

3.  Switch off your mobile and put the answerphone on to avoid being disturbed.

4.  Set your alarm to wake you when you have completed 30 minutes of sleep. It is very common to lie down and sleep for a while and end up sleeping for hours!

5.  Set the scene for sleep – make sure the temperature is comfortable, pull the curtains and put some soft music in the background

6.  Try to free up your mind from any thoughts or alternatively focus your thoughts on something you enjoy.

7.  30 minutes of sleep is enough to relax. If you sleep more, you will end up with a headache and a bad mood.

8.  When you wake up, put some water on your face, drink a class of water and go out in the fresh air for a while. If you feel groggy or disorientated when you wake, sit down and try to relax for 5 minutes before standing up.

9.  If you are not feeling like sleeping then do not try to force your self to sleep – just lay and relax

10.  Do not feel guilty. Taking a power nap does not make you lazy – rather it will make you more alert and productive for the rest of the day, and improve both your mental and physical health.

As the mother of 2 toddlers who DON’T nap I can only DREAM of such a luxury……! But if you do decide to become a Lady Who Naps, we’d love to hear your comments about how it made you feel!

For more information about the specific health benefits of napping please see http://www.manageyourlifenow.com/Articles/tabid/60/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/19/15-Proven-Tips-For-The-Perfect-Power-Nap.aspx

Popularity: 2% [?]

When you first have a baby you long for the day they can talk. Then, as soon as they can you realise a) they never stop and b) there is now a very strong possibility they will embarass you in public by saying something toe-curlingly un-PC about someone’s size, gender, appearance or smell!

But the flipside of this ever present danger, is that every now and then they come out with nuggets of pure brilliance – little sayings that stop you in your tracks, make you marvel at the way their minds work and maybe even force you to look at the world in a new way. And sometimes they just say something that is SO random that all it does is make you laugh and laugh and laugh….

Take my 3 year old, for example. A week or so ago I was compelled to Tweet about something she had just said to me. She was running round and round the garden and suddenly shouted “Mummy, mummy, I’m faster than a PEANUT!” Excited as she was at the revelation, I couldn’t quite bring myself to burst her bubble and tell her that, in fact, MOST things are!

So, as it’s Monday, it’s muggy and we could all do with a giggle, please leave a comment and share any of your children’s finest moments – from the profound to the obscure, we’d love to hear your children’s classic quotes!

Popularity: 4% [?]

As mums we beat ourselves up about a lot of things – what our children eat, how they behave, how much TV they watch – the potential for feeling guilty is endless. Add to the pot the added guilt that Work at Home Mums feel about not spending as much time with their family and you could be heading for guilt-overload.

Guilt is a state which occurs when you believe you have done something you shouldn’t, or conversely, when you haven’t done something you think you should - and so has the potential to pretty much affect most situations! But if it IS only a state of mind, then maybe a change in perspective is all that’s needed to turn guilt on its head. So here are some ideas about how you can turn a guilty thought into a postive one:

I feel guilty for relying on my family to help out with childcare
You are giving your child the opportunity to form a really strong bond with their dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles etc. Your child will benefit from these close relationships and you can relax knowing your child is being cared for by someone you trust and by someone who loves them as much as you do. Plus you are saving money on expensive childcare which can be spent directly on the family or channelled back into your business, making the most of the money you earn.

I feel guilty for not spending more time playing with my child
You are teaching your child how to be independent and how to use their imagination and initiative to amuse themselves, qualities that will stand them in good stead in later life. Plus the time you do spend together will be extra special to both of you.

I feel guilty for spending time on a business that isn’t making any money yet
You are building the foundations for your business. A big house needs a strong foundation, and by getting that right from the beginning you stand a greater chance of success long-term. Plus it is widely recognised that very few businesses will see a profit in the first 12-18 months, so you are not alone!

I feel guilty for not keeping on top of all the housework
In the short term you are helping your family learn about teamwork and contribution, and also to appreciate the things they would normally take for granted. By sharing out the chores your children are learning valuable life skills and in the long term, when your business is more profitable, maybe you could afford to employ a cleaner!  Plus, you are helping to build up a strong immune system in your child – a spotlessly clean house is not necessarily a healthy one!

I feel guilty for not spending more time with my partner
If like a lot of WAHMs your working day begins once the children are in bed, you may not spend the evenings together with your partner like you used to. But thinking back, were you doing anything really special with that time, or just watching TV? Make sure when you do spend time together that you try and make it really special – remember it’s Quality not Quantity!

I feel guilty for thinking about work even when I’m having ‘time off’ with the family
Without your contribution to the family income there wouldn’t be so many treats, days out etc. Your work helps to provide a certain standard of living for your family and you should be proud of your financial independence and contribution

I feel guilty for inflicting my business concerns on my partner
Men are natual problem solvers and relish the opportunity to help. Give your partner credit for being interested and wanting to support you. If he seems disinterested when you are talking about your concerns it may be the ‘way’ you are speaking and not the subject matter. Men like to get straight to the point and solve the problem – if all you want to do is offload then maybe a girlfriend IS a better person to talk to.

I feel guilty for not being able to do everything!
Nobody can! And anyone who looks like they can is just a really good actress! You are doing the very best you can with your given set of circumstances, you are being human and falliable and brave and amazing and wonderful – and don’t ever forget it!

American journalist Arianna Huffington once said “While all mothers deal with feelings of guilt, working mothers are plagued by guilt on steroids!” So more than anyone you need to retrain the way you think and learn to see your situation from a different angle – it might take a little practice but it’s amazing what a shift in perspective can do!

Popularity: 4% [?]

When I became a mum I never realised how much I would miss silence. From the moment my eldest came kicking and screaming into this world my eardrums have never been the same.

As any parent knows, the sound of a baby crying is like a siren and it does something to you – it forces you to react, respond and rectify whatever is wrong, whatever the time of day or night. At first the list of possibilities is fairly limited – hungry, tired, poorly or a dirty nappy. But as your baby grows so the complexity of their demands increases, along with their volume button!

Don’t get me wrong – I love my kiddies to bits – but they are bloomin’ noisy – and they don’t have an OFF button!! Children’s TV has become like Chinese water torture to me, along with my other pet hate – Electronic Toys! The constant repetition of phrases and songs worms its way deep into my subconscious until I find myself humming along hours after the children are in bed.

Then, as they grow older the noise pollution takes other forms – the continual chatter of the ‘new talker’, that incessant “mummy, mummy, mummy…” when they actually have nothing to say to you, the constant whining as you get closer and closer to bedtime, the arguing with siblings and that most dreaded of all words (when uttered at any volume) – “No!”.

And finally there is that one sound that makes any parents blood run cold – the high pitched scream that accompanies a public tantrum. All that rage and defiance bundled up into one spectacular hissy fit, designed purely to make YOU look like the worst parent that ever lived! 

I used to love listening to music, either on the radio or one of my numerous CDs, but now, on the rare occasion I find myself alone in the house I don’t play music or watch the TV. After a day of having my senses assaulted I wallow in silence. I give myself over to the pure, unadulterated pleasure that is noiselessness, because for me now, as Christina Rossetti wrote in the 19^th Century, “Silence is more musical than any song.”

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Last Tuesday I had a ‘Day Off’. Unfortunately this didn’t involve a duvet day, a spa, or a mammoth shopping trip. Instead I drove 150 miles – and spent about 5 hours in the car doing so, thanks to road works, closed roads, a police census and horseboxes travelling at 30mph – all so I could visit my Dad (an early Father’s Day visit) and my 104 year old Gran who I don’t see as often as I like.

Despite the time spent travelling I had a brilliant day. I was all by myself in the car so I could listen to my own eclectic selection of music instead of The Wheels on the Bus CD! I didn’t have to play ‘I spy something green…..’ or spot tractors – instead I could just enjoy the beautiful Cotswold countryside. I was able to enjoy a proper grown-up lunch with wine and un-interrupted adult conversation with my Dad – a rarity indeed these days. I even got to just sit with a cup of tea staring at the birds in the garden.

But what I also escaped from was the housework, the phone ringing, my emails, watching the clock and working out who needs picking up and taking where; all the many simple, but routine tasks which usually measure out my day. And because of this it freed up some ‘head space’ – my mind was free to ponder and roam, something that in the increasingly busy life I find myself leading just never happens.

So when I finally arrived home, yes I was tired, but also refreshed…..maybe a change in routine IS all you need to recharge the batteries once in a while.

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It’s the holiday season, and next week we are off on a short break to the seaside. I love the concept of holidays as much as the next person, but please tell me I’m not the only mum who also finds them quite stressful?

Years ago a holiday meant a cheap 2 week deal somewhere foreign and sunny and a chance to read, sunbathe, eat, drink and sleep. Nowadays going on holiday is more work than staying at home!

First of all there is all the pre-holiday preparation. Washing and ironing all the clothes we want to take away – and for a holiday in the UK that means shorts, T-shirts, jumpers, coats, sandals, wellies - the whole caboodle. Plus there’s the forward-planning – remembering to cancel the milk, running down the fridge, but making sure we still have all the essentials we need for when we get home.

Then there’s the endless list making – all the things we simply can’t afford to leave behind, despite the fact we are only travelling 2 hours up the road and you’re never more than a few miles from a Tescos these days!  And not forgetting all the child-related equipment that alone takes up the entire boot of the car.

Thirdly there’s the cleaning. We have 2 cats and are fortunate to have parents who live close by who are happy to cat-sit. But knowing that there will be a stream of visitors in my house while I’m away means I have to add a full spring clean to my already crowded To Do list.

Then, of course, there’s the weather. The constant checking of the Met Office website, the ringing of hands and the gnashing of teeth as we worry about whether the sun will shine.

And lastly there’s the ‘expectation’ – that somehow just because you are on holiday everything will be perfect.

Then, when we get home, it starts all over again -  the post-holiday washing and ironing, the shopping for groceries to restock the cupboards – by which time I’m feeling utterly exhausted and in need of another holiday – aaarrrggghhhh!!!

At least, being in partnership, I am in the fortunate position of not having to worry about work while I’m away. But for those working mums who also have to put in place a contingency for dealing with clients or orders in their absence, the holiday presents yet another formidable challenge. Yet  they do it – and they do it brilliantly.

So, what about my holiday stress? I guess if I went away on my own to a nudist colony I wouldn’t have to worry about the packing and my other half and the kids could spend the week looking after the cats in an untidy house! But that would mean going on a pre-holiday diet and body-buffing regime of extreme proportions!

Suddenly all that washing and cleaning doesn’t seem quite so bad……

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